Today was my first day back to work and I am trying my best to get my schedule back to normal. It was hard going back to work and seeing all of the faces with pitiful looks on them and people saying that they were sorry to hear the news. I quickly tried to change the subject and tried not to focus too long on my miscarriage issue for fear that I would break down.
It is just going to take me more time to be able to talk about it. I still get upset at the thought of losing this child and feeling the emptiness that comes along with knowing that I once carried a child in my womb but lost it. For the most part, I have called and emailed each of those friends and family members to let them know that I appreciated all of their kind thoughts and wishes.
It is really weird because although I was only 7 weeks pregnant when I miscarried, I can't seem to get over the fact that I am not pregnant anymore. It is weird! I think that it is because I wanted it so bad! I still feel a twinge of pain at the sight of pregnant women but I am not sure that I will ever get over this. I am just so envious and I want it SO bad! It is just not fair.
I am staying positive. I am trying not to think about the next cycle at all and just focus on family and friends. I went to the salon and had my hair done and also got a manicure and pedicure. Once I get done with Dallas and I get back home, I am definitely going to schedule a massage for both Matt and I. We are going to try to relax and enjoy ourselves this summer and not think about infertility or the costs (both emotional and financial) that come along with it.
We are having a 4th of July celebration out at the house with friends and family and we are in the midst of planning a trip to Beaver Lake in late July. We are taking it one-day-at-a-time and trying to make the best of it. Don't get me wrong, I still have periods of depression and anger but for the most part, I am doing well (considering).
Thanks again for all of the well-wishes. You ladies and your blogs are seriously the only thing that gives me hope and inspiration!!!! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!
all good things
12 years ago
2 comments:
It will come! Your baby will be here sooner than you think! I can only imagine how hard it can be. I am only 10 weeks and I am still not in the scary stage. I pray everyday, that the heartbeats are still beating and everything is okay with them. It's so hard. I hope we keep being an inspiration to you and never stop blogging!! It will come.
Hope your week went well. As much as I did not want to go back to work, I am glad I did. I don't think I will ever feel "normal" again, but getting a routine back is good. I am having a hard time learning to put myself first, but from all the advice I have gotten I have to. Treat yourself to something special this weekend.
Ps. Thanks for all of your support this week. Maybe it is because our cycles were so close-me being 2 weeks behind, but you made me feel like I wasn't alone and someone understood exactly what I felt! Words cannot thank you enough! ((HUGS)) to you!
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