Babies

My friend Christy had her baby on Tuesday and he is soooo cute!

She is so lucky and he seems like he is going to be a great little bundle of joy. He must have been exhausted because he slept through our entire visit?

It was so odd seeing Matt hold the baby and know that I may never be able to hand him our child. He was a total natural with the baby. He was not nervous or anything! It was truly amazing.

At this point, I am going to be visiting 2 more babies in the hospital by the end on the month. I have 1 friend who is due on the 25th and another who is due on the 27th. I am going to try to get all of my baby checks in by the end of the month in hopes that it gives me good luck for my own hopes for a pregnancy by the end of the year. We will wait and see what happens.

On the IVF front, we did our E2V IM shot last night and it went really well. It was not as bad as I had expected. We had our baseline U/S and blood work in Monday and everything went well. Doctor S said everything looked good although he expressed his concern regarding the quality of our eggs because of our history. He was trying to sound realistic but at the same time hopeful and it just made me sad to think that this is our last try. This is it! If this does not work out, we are going to either commit to be a childless couple or take some time off and think about adoption. At this point, I don't want to think about it! It makes me sad.

Anyway, we are remaining hopeful and trying to stay positive. I am sure I have said this before but I am expecting the best but preparing myself for the worst. That should be my quote for 2008. A whole year of IVF, I am exhausted!!!

Let the fun begin!

I am still hanging onto HOPE!

Hope that that this cycle works and we have nothing but good news this time around. I did a little bit of math in talking to my BFF last night and determined that we will be finding out about a possible BFP sometime the week of Christmas!!

2 Things can happen...either it will be a really great Christmas or a really bad Christmas. Either way, I am glad we are finishing the year with the conclusion of our IVF journey. Let me rephrase that, our IVF Cycle journey. I may still be infertile after this year but I will no longer be under the physical, mental and monetary pressures of hoping for a BFN and subjecting my life to this process. This year has been hard!!!

Anyway....

We have been doing the Lupron injections for about a week and start the Ganirelix tomorrow. Luckily they are both SubQ so that makes it easier.

My husband is the greatest! He is an old pro now at delivering these injections and does an AMAZING job!!

Side effects: Nothing but heartburn ALL freaking day long. I am miserable all of the time with the hearburn. It has got to be the medication because I never get heartburn except when I am cycling and taking 5 different types of medications a day! Oh well. I have to take the good with the bad, right?

Cycle Calendar

Just in case you were wondering, we finally got our calendar for our next cycle. It is so overwhelming and it appears that the medications will cost us about $7000 as none of it is covered by our insurance. Life sucks sometimes!!!


11/7 -CYCLE START
BCP 1 tab daily
Dexamethasone 0.75 mg in AM
Lupron 10 units in AM
Prenatal Vitamins 1 tab daily

11/8
BCP 1 tab daily
Dexamethasone 0.75 mg in AM
Lupron 10 units in AM
Prenatal Vitamins 1 tab daily

11/9
BCP 1 tab daily
Dexamethasone 0.75 mg in AM
Lupron 10 units in AM
Prenatal Vitamins 1 tab daily

11/10
BCP 1 tab daily
Dexamethasone 0.75 mg in AM
Lupron 10 units in AM
Prenatal Vitamins 1 tab daily

11/11
BCP 1 tab daily
Dexamethasone 0.75 mg in AM
Lupron 10 units in AM
Prenatal Vitamins 1 tab daily
Last BCP

11/12
Dexamethasone 0.75 mg in AM
Lupron 5 units in AM
Prenatal Vitamins 1 tab daily
Note change in dose

11/13
Dexamethasone 0.75 mg in AM
Lupron 5 units in AM
Prenatal Vitamins 1 tab daily

11/14
Dexamethasone 0.75 mg in AM
Ganirelix 125 mcg in AM
Lupron 5 units in AM
Prenatal Vitamins 1 tab daily
Expect Period

11/15
Dexamethasone 0.75 mg in AM
Ganirelix 125 mcg in AM
Lupron 5 units in AM
Prenatal Vitamins 1 tab daily
Expect Period

11/16
Dexamethasone 0.75 mg in AM
Ganirelix 125 mcg in AM
Lupron 5 units in AM
Prenatal Vitamins 1 tab daily

11/17
Dexamethasone 0.75 mg in AM
Ganirelix 125 mcg in AM
Lupron 5 units in AM
Prenatal Vitamins 1 tab daily
*****Baseline US & E2*****

11/18
Dexamethasone 0.75 mg in AM
E2V IM 4 mg in PM
Ganirelix 125 mcg in AM
Lupron 5 units in AM
Prenatal Vitamins 1 tab daily

11/19
Dexamethasone 0.75 mg in AM
Ganirelix 125 mcg in AM
Lupron 5 units in AM
Prenatal Vitamins 1 tab daily

11/20
Dexamethasone 0.75 mg in AM
Ganirelix 125 mcg in AM
Lupron 5 units in AM
Prenatal Vitamins 1 tab daily

11/21
Dexamethasone 0.75 mg in AM
E2V IM 4 mg in PM
Ganirelix 125 mcg in AM
Lupron 5 units in AM
Prenatal Vitamins 1 tab daily

11/22
Dexamethasone 0.75 mg in AM
Ganirelix 125 mcg in AM
Lupron 5 units in AM
Prenatal Vitamins 1 tab daily

11/23
Dexamethasone 0.75 mg in AM
E2V supp 2 mg in PM
Ganirelix 125 mcg in AM
Lupron 5 units in AM
Prenatal Vitamins 1 tab daily

11/24
Dexamethasone 0.75 mg in AM
E2V supp 2 mg in PM
Ganirelix 125 mcg in AM
Gonal-F 600 units in PM
Lupron 5 units in AM
Prenatal Vitamins 1 tab daily

11/25
Dexamethasone 0.75 mg in AM
E2V supp 2 mg in PM
Ganirelix 125 mcg in AM
Gonal-F 600 units in PM
Lupron 5 units in AM
Prenatal Vitamins 1 tab daily

11/26
Dexamethasone 0.75 mg in AM
E2V supp 2 mg in PM
Ganirelix 125 mcg in AM
Gonal-F 600 units in PM
Lupron 5 units in AM
Prenatal Vitamins 1 tab daily

11/27
Dexamethasone 0.75 mg in AM
E2V supp 2 mg in PM
Ganirelix 125 mcg in AM
Gonal-F 225 units in PM
Lupron 5 units in AM
Menopur 1 vial in PM
Prenatal Vitamins 1 tab daily
****Note change in dose****

11/28
Dexamethasone 0.75 mg in AM
E2V supp 2 mg in PM
Ganirelix 125 mcg in AM
Gonal-F 225 units in PM
Lupron 5 units in AM
Menopur 1 vial in PM
Prenatal Vitamins 1 tab daily

11/29
Dexamethasone 0.75 mg in AM
E2V supp 2 mg in PM
Ganirelix 125 mcg in AM
Gonal-F 225 units in PM
Lupron 5 units in AM
Menopur 1 vial in PM
Prenatal Vitamins 1 tab daily

11/30
Dexamethasone 0.75 mg in AM
E2V supp 2 mg in PM
Ganirelix 125 mcg in AM
Gonal-F 225 units in PM
Lupron 5 units in AM
Menopur 1 vial in PM
Prenatal Vitamins 1 tab daily

12/1
Dexamethasone 0.75 mg in AM
Ganirelix 125 mcg in AM
Lupron 5 units in AM
Prenatal Vitamins 1 tab daily
US & E2
******CD 9******

Expect Further Instructions
12/2

12/3

12/4

12/5
PROB HCG INJECTION

12/6
PROB HCG INJECTION

IVF #3

I am back!!

I know, I should be ashamed of myself.

I just haven't felt like even thinking about IVF for the last couple of months. I have taken a few months off and focused on my family and work. I am sort of disappointed that summer is over but I am SOOOOO looking forward to fall. I love the turning of the leaves and the colder weather but it saddens me to think that the summer is over and that I spent most of the summer focusing on my failed pregnancy. Oh well. I am doing good now and we are trying to go into this next cycle as positive as we can.

We have decided to proceed with IVF #3 in November 2008. Matt and I have discussed this issue at great lenght and this is it!

We are committed to giving it 1 more try. All we can do at this point is is hope for the best and prepare ourselves for the worst.

Wish us luck!

Update

I just thought I would write since it has been a while. Here are the updates:

Work has been stressful but I am so thankful that I have it to focus on as it keeps my mind off of other things.

My poor sister is having a bad month and it will be her 31st birthday on Thursday.

1. She had a car accident on 07/03/2008 that was not her fault but everyone was fine although her car was ruined.
2. My nephew (her youngest son) had a firework accident on 07/04/2008 and had to be taken to the hospital for 2nd degree burns on 3 of his fingers and...
3. Yesterday, she was the passenger in her brand new 3 day old Honda in another car accident in Rogers, Arkansas. Again, everyone was fine but her brand new car is completely totaled again. Now she has 2 claims pending with the insurance company for 2 accidents in the same month. How does that work???

POOR THING! I feel so bad for her! I am just so thankful that everyone is safe and we all made it home okay.

Some good news....We just arrived from a fantastic weekend at Beaver Lake in Arkansas. It is a fantastically beautiful area and I would recommend it to anyone. We rented a 6 bedroom cabin right on the water with a fantastic 180 degree view of the lake for $400/night. It was amazing and the cabin was MORE that accomodating. I told my husband that I wanted to stay forever and never come back home. But I did : ( We went out on the lake in the boat, cooked out, played cards, and roasted marshmallows. It was amazing! We need to plan a few more of those trips throughout the year.

On to IVF, my donor has her 1st phone consultation with Dr. S on Thursday. My husband will also be there but I am going to stay at work and try to save up as much leave as possible. I told my husband that if we are not pregnant by the beginning of next year, I want to seriously take a month-long vacation to some beautiful beach somewhere in the tropics and not think about the word "INFERTILITY" ever again. We will have to wait and see what happens.

Anyway, I am assuming that the phone consult will basically be about my donor's medical history and will probably require the scheduling of some testing for her. Did I tell you guys that she has had a partial hysterectomy? How does that work?....you say. Well, from what I understand. She still have her ovaries and still ovulates every month but she does not have a uterus so no periods!! Dr. S. seems to think that we have a good shot at this working so we are going to wait and see what happens.

To tell you the truth, I am unusually calm about the whole situation. I am not feeling anxious nor do I have any unrealistic expectations about this. We are going to aim for cycle #3 around October/November and hope for the best!

Back to Life

Today was my first official day back in my office since the M/C and OH how I was so dreading it....but it went well and I made it through. I am so lucky to work with such a great bunch of people.

My life has been so up in the air since April 2008.

At that time, I was commuting back and forth between Dallas and home while at the same time in the middle of my second IVF cycle. Although IVF did not go as expected, I was still not in a place to evaluate all of my options because I was in the midst of an 11-week training for the Agency. Now I am home! Back to my wonderful husband and fantastic dogs and my lovable family and friends! Things can finally go back to normal.


We are proceeding with IVF #3 with DONOR EGGS!

We have decided to accept my best friend's offer of donating her eggs. Although she has had a partial hysterectomy, Dr. S says that because she still has her ovaries, she should be an excellent candidate for ovum donation. I need to call Dr. S to schedule a consultation with my egg donor ASAP! I will work on doing that sometime this week. I am keeping my fingers crossed and hoping she qualifies for ovum donation. She has been my best friend since 9th grade and I will forever be grateful to her for offer. Her journey will not be easy and I thank her for the offer everyday. I have yet to meet very many people who have chosen ovum donation with a KNOWN donor. Any stories would greatly put my mind at ease. I will continue to keep you guys posted.

Update

It has been a while since I wrote so I thought I would take a few moments to get some stuff out.


Here goes....I have been thinking a lot over the past week regarding our next cycle in October and I feel that our best chance is with donor eggs. From everything I have gone through and everything that I have read, and from what Doctor S recommends, it is our best shot of having a full-term pregnancy.

Although we have not received the results from our karyotyping yet, Dr. S feels that my m/c was probably chromosomal due to an embryo quality issue and from his medical opinion, thinks that DE will be our best chance. I have done some research about DE and it is
C R A Z Y ! ! ! It is just not fair!! The risks both financial and emotional is enough to drive you to give up! Although I am not absolutely positive we are going to use DE, we are at least researching it as an option and weighing the benefits and risks.

I will continue to research and keep you guys updated on our decision.

Dealing

Today was my first day back to work and I am trying my best to get my schedule back to normal. It was hard going back to work and seeing all of the faces with pitiful looks on them and people saying that they were sorry to hear the news. I quickly tried to change the subject and tried not to focus too long on my miscarriage issue for fear that I would break down.

It is just going to take me more time to be able to talk about it. I still get upset at the thought of losing this child and feeling the emptiness that comes along with knowing that I once carried a child in my womb but lost it. For the most part, I have called and emailed each of those friends and family members to let them know that I appreciated all of their kind thoughts and wishes.

It is really weird because although I was only 7 weeks pregnant when I miscarried, I can't seem to get over the fact that I am not pregnant anymore. It is weird! I think that it is because I wanted it so bad! I still feel a twinge of pain at the sight of pregnant women but I am not sure that I will ever get over this. I am just so envious and I want it SO bad! It is just not fair.



I am staying positive. I am trying not to think about the next cycle at all and just focus on family and friends. I went to the salon and had my hair done and also got a manicure and pedicure. Once I get done with Dallas and I get back home, I am definitely going to schedule a massage for both Matt and I. We are going to try to relax and enjoy ourselves this summer and not think about infertility or the costs (both emotional and financial) that come along with it.



We are having a 4th of July celebration out at the house with friends and family and we are in the midst of planning a trip to Beaver Lake in late July. We are taking it one-day-at-a-time and trying to make the best of it. Don't get me wrong, I still have periods of depression and anger but for the most part, I am doing well (considering).

Thanks again for all of the well-wishes. You ladies and your blogs are seriously the only thing that gives me hope and inspiration!!!! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!

D & C

I had my procedure this morning and it was not as bad as I had imagined.

Everyone at the hospital was super SWEET and Doctor P said that everything went fine. They sent the results off for testing and we expect to hear something about the results in about 6 weeks. Although we don't expect, it will be good to hear for sure the it was a chromosomal issue. I am so tired and sore today. Just a lot of cramping and general soreness but all-in-all, it was not as bad as an experience as I had expected. I was so proud of myself because I made if through the entire hospital procedure (about 6 hours) without a tear. I almost broke down as they were wheeling me into the surgical room but once I saw the 6 strangers in the room waiting to prep me, fear took over and I was more focused on what they were doing and making sure that I was going to be good and asleep before the doctor did anything.

Matt took really good care of me and my mom came over just to make sure he was doing a good job. She was so sweet. She brought me trashy magazines, a crossword puzzle, books and CHOCOLATE!!!! I layed around the house and watched a lot of Top Chef and Ace of Cakes. I love the Food Network and HGTV. Don't know what I would do without it!

In closing, I am glad that this part of the process is over. In a weird way, the procedure kind of provided me with closure and the opportunity to move on and focus on something else. I am not saying that it is getting any easier but at least now I know that it will - with a little more time.

New Attitude

I am so tired of being sad. I am done!!!

I got the call this morning that my D&C is scheduled bright and early tomorrow morning at 6 a.m.

I am so glad.

The sooner I get this taken care of the better. I know that sounds horrible but it has been exactly a week since I heard the news about my miscarriage and I have been poked and prodded enough that I know that there is no hope for this child. As much as we wanted and dreamed about this child, it just did not work out. I will feel much better when the process is done and I can move on with my life because crying and moping around the house is just not working. I am so tired of people asking me if I am "okay". That is such a stupid question and I am tired of it. I am tired of their pitiful looks and people feeling sorry for me. I am just tired. I am expected to return back to work next Tuesday and I am not looking forward to it. People feeling uncomfortable around me and then feeling the need to ask me questions about the miscarriage is really going to suck and I am not looking forward to it. Oh well, what can you do right?

So, here is the plan.

For the next 3 months, I am going to focus on me.

I am going to do everything I can to make myself happy. Trips to the salon, pedicures, massages...here i come. I am going to see if this works. Wish me luck!

New Doctor

I went to a local doctor today to get prepared for a D&C that I have scheduled for later this week. I am so glad that I at least got it scheduled on such short notice and that it is going to be done before I go back down to Dallas on Monday for the final leg of my 3 month training. Dr P (as I will call him) seemed really sweet and felt that a D&C was the best step to take from here since we are going to try for IVF #3 around September or October. It was really hard to sit in a lobby full of pregnant women and smile and pretend that everything is okay but I did it and I am so proud of myself. I even managed to sit through another U/S and a doctor consultation without any tears. The trip to the car, that is another story. With all things considered, it was pretty good day. The fact that we have the procedure scheduled for the day after tomorrow just eases a lot of stress and I am so glad we got it done.

I finally spoke to my mother-in-law today. Although she heard the bad news on Tuesday while she was at work, I had not personally spoken to her about the miscarriage until today. I feel so sorry for her as I know how much she was wanting this to happen for us. I feel so bad--like such a failure for not being able to give them a grandchild!! She took the miscarriage almost as hard as I did and I feel so bad for her.

We talked through our tears today and agreed that we were going to try to remain positive and try again in a few months. She is amazing and I love her so much! Thank God for great friends and family right?!?

Bad News

Just wanted to write to say that we lost it!

We went to Dr. S yesterday for what was suppose to be our heartbeat u/s at 7 weeks and heard nothing. Saw nothing. Dr. S measured and said that growth stopped at 6 weeks. We are devastated. It was one of the hardest days of my life. I found myself crying non-stop all day. We drove for 4 hours to the big D to do a 20 minute U/S and had to turn around and drive 4 hours all the way back home with our devastating news. Why? I am so angry and upset right now and feel that there is no way that I am going to get over this.

I woke up this morning refusing to go to work. What am I going to do...quit my job? I am so upset wonder if it will ever get easier. Luckily for me, I have a great employer who understands and I have great friends that trying to be so understanding but all I want to do is lay in bed and turn out the lights. My poor DH, he never gets any of the sympathy. This is as much his loss as it is mine.

I have an appointment with an OBGYN here in Tulsa tomorrow which is close to home. I am not looking forward to going in and getting another U/S for a second opinion and having to schedule a date and time for my D&C. I started bleeding tonite which may mean that I can pass it naturally right? I don't know. I guess I need to google it....

Goodnite,

U/S #2

We went for our 2nd U/S yesterday at a lab here in Tulsa and felt that everything went well. We were unable to reach the doctor to get our results in time and had to wait until today. I called Dr. S's office at least 3 times this morning asking for my results and finally received a call back from him around 11:15 a.m.

Not Good. Dr. spoke very negatively about the progress of my fetus and was concerned that the growth rate was not where he had expected. He wants me to continue the medications and pelvic rest and go back to him for another U/S on Monday. Here we go again.

First Ultrasound

I had my 1st ultrasound on Friday and I am happy to report that it is good news!

Here is how it went:

I had to go by myself because my RE is in Dallas and we live in Oklahoma. I have been in Dallas for training since 04/29/2008 and did not see a need for Matt to take off of work for an entire day, drive 4 hours down to Dallas when I was just coming home for the weekend anyways. So, the plan was to go the RE appt. and then drive home with the good news.

Needless to say, I was nervous. I was nervous all morning and even more so since I found that my right foot was swollen and looked ginormous. Somehow, I just knew that this was going to be bad. As I said in Dr. S's room naked from the waist down, all kinds of thoughts were racing through my head. Bad thoughts. Evil thoughts. It was like I was mentally preparing myself for the bad news in case it was coming. As soon as Dr. S entered, he was all smiles which only seemed to make me even more nervous as I did not not want to see the look of disappointment on his face in case there was nothing on the U/S. Now, I know I should not think like this but I can't help it. Only people that have suffered through IF problems understand. I try so hard to stay positive but I cannot help that creeping feeling that something bad is going to happen. Anyway. I lay down and he proceeds to enter with the U/S probe. SILENCE!

He is completely silent. The nurse is silent. I feel him looking around and moving the want and I just know that it is not good. The longer I lay there, the more I feel the unwanted feelings of disappointment. I refuse to look at the monitor. I am too upset. I feel that rush of emotions coming over me and suddenly................."I think I see two sacs". Two sacs?? What?? He says that the 2nd sac is reasonable smaller and could be something else but that there is something definitely there. I just hope that if it is not a 2nd sac, it is not something that could prove harmful to the definite 1 sac we saw. He printed me a picture and said said that everything looked good. He said that we will know more next week when I go back for another U/S and we can tell from the heartbeat(s). Either way, I am excited that I have made it this far and just continue to hope and pray that the good news keeps coming!

As I exit the office, I do my best to smile and be cordial to others in the office. I offer congratulation to other cycle buddies who have also received good U/S results but as soon as I cross that threshold into the hallway, I break down. The tears are running down my face. Tears of joy for the good sac pictures. Tears of thankfulness to God for allowing me to make it this far. I could not control it. I was so happy, I was upset. Does that make sense to anyone else?

My poor husband calls as I am getting on the elevator and I explain that Dr. S said everything looked good but that I could not speak because I was so upset. I felt bad less than 10 minutes later when I called him back and he thought I was upset because it was bad news as he did not hear the 1st part of my sentence about the Dr. S saying that everything looked good.

Anyway, I made it home safe and told all about my good progress. My job for tomorrow is to find an OBGYN that is going to be willing to give me US and heartbeat checks EVERY appointment. From what I understand about other women who have been pregnant, this is sometimes a difficult talk. I have spoken to several women who say there only received like 3 or 4 US throughout an entire 9 month pregnancy. That will just not do. I need one like every other week! Is that reasonable?

Another Day

I am still here and hoping that I am still pregnant. It is so surreal because I don't feel any different. The number one question on everyone's mind is "How do you feel?". This question is just freaking me out because I don't feel any different. Then I start 2nd guessing myself and thinking "should I be feeling different" and then wondering if something is wrong if I don't. The more I think about it, the more freaked out I get. I am just going to have to calm down and wait until my 1st ultrasound on Friday, June 6th at 11:30 a.m.

Beta #2

I am going to document my IVF journey regardless of what happens. Today was another good day. I went to the doctor and did Beta #2. While driving to OKC less than 2 hours later a nurse called me and gave me the good news. My 2nd Beta # was 229. Could this be real? Am I really pregnant? As I drove down the highway and thought about the possibility, it was hard not to close my eyes and thank God above for giving me this opportunity. I cried in my car and thanked God over and over again for this. I will forever be grateful for this and will never take it for granted. I am going to make a better effort to be grateful and thankful for this and stop thinking about the negative. I called everyone I know and told them the news. Matt, Betty and Scott met me in OKC and we had a great evening at the Tim McGraw concert and visiting the OKC memorial. All in all, it was an amazing weekend and it is a day that I will never forget. I have my 1st US scheduled next Friday.

Beta #1

I took a pregnancy test on Saturday at home and got a positive result!

I am 33 years old and have never received a positive result on a HPT! I am excited but equally guarded. Somehow I feel that the possibility of this actually working is going to be taken away from me. I am walking around in shock and guarded against the news. I just know that I am going to turn a corner and someone is going to say..."Ha Ha, Just kidding" and take the flicker of hope away from me. Is that normal? Is this something that all infertile women feel once they finally get a positive result?

Dr. S emailed me while I was in training and said:

"Congrats ! Your test was + and the level was 62. Please schedule
a repeat test in 2 days and continue all meds".

I am still in shock and don't know what to think. I am so excited about my 1st Beta #. It is really hard to believe that this is truly happening to me. I still don't believe it and will hang out until I get my 2nd number on Friday!

A Little Bit of Survey

• A - Attached or Single: Attached - Wonderful husband - Matthew
• B - Best Friend(s): My sister, Betty and my best friend since 9th Grade -Heather
• C - Cake or Pie: Cake (preferably chocolate!)
• D - Day of Choice: Saturday
• E - Essential Item: Lotion
• F - Favorite Color(s): Blue
• G - Gummy Bears or Worms: Gummy Bears
• H - Hometown: Sapulpa
• I - Indulgence(s): Purses (I think I have one for every week of the year)
• J - January or July: January - the start of a new year!
• K - Kids: come hell or highwater!!
• L - Life is incomplete without: Matthew, Baxter, Anthony and Alex
• M - Marriage Date: 05/15/1999
• N - Number of Siblings: 1 younger sister and 2 younger brothers
• O - Oranges or Apples: Oranges
• P- Phobias or Fears: Bugs, Snakes, Heights
• Q - Quote: "The Grand essentials of happiness are: something to do, something to love, and something to hope for."
• R- Ring size: 9
• S - Season: Fall
• T- Tag 3 Friends: Heather, Betty, Holley
• U - Unknown fact about me: I love crossword puzzles!
• V - Very favorite stores: Pier 1 Imports -
• W - Worst Habit: Twirling my hair
• X-ray or Ultrasound: Ultrasound
• Y - Your Favorite Food(s): Mexican
• Z - Zodiac: Virgo

IVF #2

I had my embryo transfer on 05/15/2008 and I am currently in good spirits. I am still in Dallas for training and Matt was here this weekend and we enjoyed a beautiful day in Fort Worth after my 24-hour bed rest. Although Doctor S had little expectations, he said that my embryo looked good and we are keeping our fingers crossed. I responded with a "I only need 1". He smiled and proceeded and here we are. There are many things about this cycle that were different from my 1st one in January. For one thing, I am not as naive as I was in January and I now know what my chances are. I am more realistic about this cycle and the chances of it working in our favor. On the plus side, Matt and I at Chinese food a day or so before the ET and we both received 15 on our fortunes. Our ET was on the 15th which was our 9 year wedding anniversary. I hope these all add up to positive factors and prove in our favor.

New Beginnings

Okay....we have decicded to proceed with IVF #2 in May.

Dr. S suggested 3 months of acupunture with hopes that it increases embryo quality. I am not too excited about willingly allowing someone to puncture my body with thin needles but I am all about doing whatever I can to get a BFP this year!!

My 1st acupuncture appointed went really well. I really liked the acupunturist and I liked the fact that she was very traditional. She spoke with a strong Chinese accent and just really seemed to know what she was doing.

I am going to keep my fingers crossed and hope for the best!

Huge Disappointment

Today was probably one of the worst days of my life. Matt and I drove to Richardson, Texas yesterday and stayed at this grand hotel with the expectations that today was going to be the day.
Today was going to be the 1st day of the rest of my life. A day that was going to start my pregnancy journey with the expected outcome of a child of my own. I had naive hopes that they would implant 3 perfect embryos and I would get a positive on my pregnancy test two weeks later. I was so naive. Not once did I prepare myself for the outcome that none of my embryos would make it.

Needless to say, we were sitting in Dr. S's office at our scheduled time and we were called back into his office. As soon as we were called into his office instead of the lab, I knew that something was wrong. You could just see the disappointment in his face. For unexplained reasons, none of my 13 embryos made it to day 5 and we had made this trip for nothing. I was so disappointed, we immediately checked out of our $115/night hotel and headed home. I am still in shock! Why has my body betrayed me? I guess that this is something we will wonder about for a long time.

ER

Today was our ER!!



I am so glad that this part is over. I get really nervoust about being sedated but everything wend fine. I felt groggy afterwords but now anything too bad. At least I did not get sick or anything and Matt was there when I woke up which made me feel better. Dr. S and his staff appeared real positive about he eggs and said that they collected 15 but lost 1 in-transit. That makes 14 for us!

Now we just have to wait until Day 3 for our embryology report. We drive home right after the ER today (4 hour drive in car). It was awful. What the heck was I thinking? We should have made arrangements to stay in the hotel for 1 more day. I was just sore and miserable during the whole ride home and will never do that again!!

Cycle Day 9

Today was our Cycle Day 9.

We drove to our RE's office and they did some tests and some bloodwork. Dr. S says that everything looked good. We had a lot of good eggs and he is really hopeful about the size and quantity. He instructed us to continue on our protocol and return to the office for further bloodwork and US in 2 days. We checked into our hotel and were greatly disappointed. It is an extended stay motel without elevators and we are on the 3rd flood. Now I know that it doesn't sound that bad but you try to walk up 3 flights of stairs when you look and feel like you are carrying around 10 gallons of water in your belly! I am miserable and feel like I am 9 months pregnant. Dr. S says that everything looks good and it is not OHSS. I feel fine other than just swollen and miserable. We will wait and see what happens. I am going to remain positive and keep my fingers crossed about this cycle.

Proud

I am so proud of myself. My husband has been giving me my IVF injections every day and night and he getting really good at it. He is really careful and takes extra precautions to hurt me at little as he can.

Tonite he was gone. He works evenings and could not come home at his usual time at 11:45 p.m. to give me my Gonal F shot. Lo and behold, I was going to have to do it myself. You should have seen me. It was horrible. I had to talk myself up to it for like 20 minutes. I got all clammy and sweaty and still could not do it.

I called myself a baby and had the needle in my hand but somehow, I could not drive the needle into my belly. I can't do it. I called my husband and told him and actually contemplated driving the 40 minutes to his work. I hung up the phone and then said "just do it!" Guess what?

I did it! I am so proud of myself. Now, I won't do it again unless I have to but at least now I know I can if I need to. Aren't you proud of me?

Screwed Over

Leave it up to us to have to get stuck paying a $600 medical bill when we really didn't need to. Why is it that the hardworking, honest people always get screwed over. With everything going on, the last thing we needed was to get stuck paying something we had assumed that we already paid for.

Here is the story:
We chose and RE about 225 miles away from our hometown. Mainly because they offered an OBP and appeared to have good results. My husband worked with a guy whom tried several times in our hometown and found great results through this clinic. We went to the office visit met with the office manager and paid almost $20,000 for 3 cycles including ICSI and all tests/bloodwork and u/s. When we were in their office in December, they suggested that our next US be done in our hometown for our convenience. They offerred this suggestion. We were perfectly prepared to drive the 225 miles. We chose the RE knowing that this was a sacrifice we were willing to accept. Anyway, I looked all over the place, called a bunch of doctors in my hometown and ended up choosing a fertility specialist in our hometown which by the way was the same doctor we saw in 2002 (awkward!!). Anyway, this doctor was gracious and did exactly what our RE doctor asked for and then expected his $600 payment. We paid of course and contacted our RE and low and behold, THEY WILL NOT REIMBURSE!! There claim was that we should have known if we chose to have the US at another clinic, we would be responsible for the charges. WHY WOULD BE WILLINGLY GO TO ANOTHER CLINIC AND PAY $600 FOR SOMETHING WE HAD JUST PAID $20,000 FOR! WTF!!!

I am so angry. Why has this happened to us? I sent our RE a hateful email about how they screw over their out-of-town patients and should never have offered to send us to a local RE for "our convenienc." I have to get over it. This is the man that is going to be all up in my business in the coming weeks and will be focusing on getting us pregnant this year. I need to learn to play nice and get over it. We can't do anything about now and we just need to move on and accept it as a learning experience!!! GRRRRR! I am still angry about it.